Alone Ranger

"Hi-yo Silver - away!" Hardly the last gasp of a celebrated celluloid cowboy. Yet, John Reid, the masked rider in TV's "The Lone Ranger," came within inches of losing not only his life, but his spirit as well.

It was Tonto, Reid's Good Samaritan, who nursed the Texas Ranger back to health following a desperado-led ambush that left all five of Reid's ranger buddies dead.

A selfless act of heroism by one man produced an unshakeable alliance. As Scripture tells us, "Two are better than one….If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man!" (Ecclesiastes 4: 9 - 10) The trusty Tonto pointed the way to a transformed Texas Ranger. Reid's nickname no longer fit. The "loner, do as you please, I like it that way" persona faded in the sunset. We can imagine Reid was all the better for it - emotionally, spiritually, and personally. Reid now had a definite purpose in life - avenging the deaths of his posse buddies and righting wrongs throughout the Old West. Could he have accomplished those feats without the support of another?

It's been my experience that men do need other men - and not merely to weather a crisis or satisfy some professional self-interest. Men need other men to serve as mentors and comrades in life. They crave the camaradery and vital connection, and yes, acceptance that males - and only males, are able to give. Yet our impersonal, profit-driven, dog-eat-dog world undervalues, even outright dismisses this innate human need deep within men's souls. As a result, many of America's Joes, Jims, and Jasons have become the archetypal "lone" rangers feeling alone, frustrated, frequently friendless, and figuring "That's just the way things are" - but, do they have to be?

The absence of male support has made it especially tough for single guys - struggling to maintain moral integrity, personal responsibility, and purity in their lives. The pitfalls of loneliness, feelings of inadequacy, not being special to someone else - all of these can, and often do, drain men of purpose in life. They can even cause inner conflicts over masculine identity, self-image, and self-worth. Many guys discover their interminable ache of unconnectedness with other men triggers bouts of sexual compulsion, narcissism, depression, and even unhealthy anger.

Yet, in all of this, our institutional structures, the places we would think would be most adept at pulling men together in ongoing fellowship - our churches - have either failed or not gone the necessary distance to bolster men's connectedness. There's been benign neglect within the Church to create genuine, relational revelry, or just plain fun, among our male memberships. Consequently, men are left to their own devices, to be their own cheerleaders in fighting the fires of isolation and alienation so common today.

Scripture tells us to assist our neighbor and to embolden him to "be of good courage," in every way possible. (Isaiah 41: 6) Yet, the culture teaches men in subliminal, sometimes overt ways, to white knuckle it, not to reach out and, if anything, to look out for number one - and never, never telegraph the need for male companionship and long-term friendship.

This independent streak men are told to adopt flies in the face of God's creative intent for our lives - to be social, to be compassionate, to "love one another" in tangible ways. St. Paul insisted that to fulfill the law of Christ, brothers had to "help carry one another's burdens." (Galatians 6:2) However, men are lulled into thinking that intimate relationships are simply a female frontier, that men just don't nurture intimacy amongst themselves - and if they do, it undermines their masculine identity, and even invites undesirable homoerotic feelings

Is there any wonder, then, that some therapists have claimed a major cause for men's empty, wounded feelings has been the absence of praise and physical affection from dads and /or the lack of affirmation from peers while growing up? These male personality deficits coupled with the realities of a disintegrating nuclear family (more kids living apart from their fathers) have only compounded the problem. What remains is more loneliness and sadness among youth. For single guys, the sting of perpetual boredom weekend after weekend while living life on the periphery of the family culture, causes further desolation and hopelessness.

Yet families - including the married men within them - stand to gain greatly by opening their homes and hearts to male single adults, a new extended family. The sporadic, but blessed moments when I have been invited into a family's inner circle, great joy and mutuality have resulted. Couples witness firsthand the benefits singles can offer them and their children - as surrogate cousins, uncles, even grandparents to kids in need of healthy male role models, as people offering varied interests and perspectives for teachable moments, and as people with more flexible schedules that can help out in a pinch.

In return, singles can achieve a greater sense of belonging; possibly, a family to spend holidays with, a restored zest for life, and reassurance that they do count and are appreciated. These kinds of arrangements have potential for enriching families and singles alike.

However, including singles in the ordinary events of families isn't the only way in which men can connect in wholesome ways. Simply encouraging men to get together, to be together - on a regular basis, with no strings attached - can strengthen the spirits and lives of married and single alike. These get-togethers needn't be formal, nor task-oriented as in a club or Bible-study (in fact, those types of groups rarely promote male relationships with any substance or longevity). The best get-togethers are simple ones, such as eating a meal, celebrating a birthday, playing cards, or organizing spontaneous sporting activities among men. The goal is to have fun. To play. To enjoy the sheer pleasure of wholesome male bonding. No heavy issues to discuss. No agendas. Just plain old-fashioned fraternity. Men in the company of other men. I've tasted some of this delightful camaradery in the past, and there is nothing more affirming, emotionally stabilizing, and freeing then men being real to other men and interacting in healthy, supportive ways.

Again, our churches could be the catalysts for transforming many lives for the better through these healthy partnerships. It's not an easy task, but a crucial one for men who feel alienated, and who seek relief from their "developmental deficits," mistrust, and disappointments with some males. Many guys will have to learn and relearn the skills necessary to maintain reliable, steadfast, and mutually interdependent relationships with other men. They may even have to reorient their thinking - be less defensive and more open-minded, and more self-giving - for the phantoms of unfounded fears, easy excuses, natural tendencies to resist change and, last but not least, the "coach potato" syndrome ("I'd rather veg out in front of the television") all pose formidable challenges to the quest for legitimate male bonding.

As a friend of mine so aptly put it in one of my exasperated moments, "Guys play it pretty close to the vest. We're not gushingly emotional; we move slowly…You make friends by becoming a man who isn't concerned about what he needs, but what he can do for others." Coincidentally, the original TV lone ranger, Clayton Moore, had as his #1 tenet in his Lone Ranger Creed, the familiar maxim "that to have a friend, a man must be one." Are we willing to move out of our comfort zones to help single men reach their full potentials and to strengthen their male identities and relationships?

The ultimate exemplar of male friendship is history's greatest figure - Jesus Christ. He lived the solitary life - celibate, but sociable; sensitive and undeniably loyal to those around Him. Wherever He went, the Savior of mankind radiated love - unconditional love - like no other human being. Many of Jesus' own disciples were single men who learned the importance of brotherhood and the vital need for interdependence and staying connected - and for more than just a season. These men were friends of Jesus. Jesus was their friend. He's our friend always. Christ proved this by submitting to the cruelest of deaths - agony on the Cross. The Epistle to the Hebrews stresses the importance of being there for our brothers: "Encourage one another daily while it is still today, so that no one grows hardened by the deceit of sin." (Hebrews 3: 13)

The story of David and Jonathan in the Book of Samuel is another striking example of genuine fidelity and brotherly love. In his treatise on Spiritual Friendship, medieval monk Aelred of Rievaulx describes the outcome when David comes under attack from Jonathan's father, Saul, who was king of Israel. Jonathan didn't shrink from his moral obligations. Aelred writes, "Putting himself at the service of his friend, he (Jonathan) offered help and advice in his time of need….In his great love, this young man kept faith with his friend. He was steadfast in the face of threats, unmoved by insults; forgetting renown, he thought only of service. He spurned a kingdom for the sake of friendship."

Lone rangers have learned to be realists. We don't expect "perfect" friendship in life. We do expect men to look beyond themselves, to consider the needs of another - to widen the company of men for the benefit of all.


"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Shoes

Over time, well-made shoes prove their worth. Fine leathers and hand-finished details mean a quality pair wears better and lasts longer. You can't fool women, either: Sixty-four percent say wearing cheap, unstylish shoes is one of the biggest style mistakes men make. We're learning: Men list footwear and suits as items most worth paying extra for.

Simplify Shoe Storage
New shoes? Nice. Don't ditch the box. "Store your shoes heel-to-toe, sole-to-sole in their box, with cedar shoe trees inside them to help keep their shape and prevent mildew," says Martin Dingman of Martin Dingman Leathergoods for Life. Tear an end panel off the box and put the lid back on to hold the sides together. Stack your boxes for an instant shoe shelf. Hey, your closet has a floor!

Sole Man
The Fratelli Rossetti factory, near Milan, melds craftsmanship with state-of-the-art machinery. "Finding the right balance of tradition and technology is one of the most important elements to crafting a quality shoe," says Diego Rossetti, the company's managing director. His father, Renzo, founded the brand in 1953.

When buying shoes, Rossetti says, examine two things: the feel of the leather, and how the sole is attached. At Rossetti, shoe patterns are made by hand and soles are hand-stitched to uppers-- a step long since replaced elsewhere with heavy-duty glue.

That last detail might require some investigation; the finest shoemakers may hide their handiwork with a final layer of leather for a luxe, streamlined appearance.

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Interesting Scents

If stress from work lingers, try Diesel Only the Brav Iron Man Limited Edition. Office concerns keeping you up at night? Try this during the day. The formula has notes of lavender, traditionally used to relieve insomnia. 2.5 oz, $70, diesel-fragrances.com

If you work in retail, try Calvin Klein Eternity Aqua. You have to act cheerful even when you're not. The hints of cedar wood in this scent can produce calming effects, a Japanese study found. 1 oz, $30, calvinklein fragrances.com

If you work with numbers, try Bond #9 Andy Warhol Montauk. In a data-driven job, there's no room for mistakes. Muguet (lily of the valley) improves attention to detail, says Dr. Hirsch. This formulation contains it--but beefs up the fragrance with red oak. 1.7 oz, $145, bondno9.com

If you work long hours, try Nautica Pure. No time for a beach vacation? Nautica's sea spray fragrance with driftwood notes (ahoy!) can help you relive one. Aromas can conjure the emotions you felt the last time you smelled them, says Rachel Hertz, Ph.D., author of The Scent of Desire. 1.7 oz, $50, Macys.

If you work a night shift, try Burberry Sport for Men. Your paycheck doesn't care about your circadian rhythms, so seek a natural stimulant to stay alert. The grapefruit in this fragrance may help. Citrus odors boost beta waves in your brain, making you more alert, says Dr. Hirsch. 1 oz, $45, nordstrom.com

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Bad Breakfast Ideas for Men

Breakfast they say is the most important meal of the day, and as men, we certainly can not afford to miss the mark on this one! Here are some of the worst dishes that a guy can eat in the A.M.

12. Terrible Pankcakes
IHOP’s Harvest Grain ‘n Nut Pancakes might sound like a reasonably healthy breakfast, but beware: This one dish packs nearly 1,100 calories—about half the number an average person needs in a day. But guess what? This isn’t even the most outrageous item you’ll find on our new list of 12 Terrible Breakfasts. Read the story, and don’t fall prey to these waist-expanding menu items.

11. Terrible Breakfast Bagel
Dunkin' Donuts Sesame Bagel with reduced fat strawberry cream cheese
510 calories
16 g fat (6.5 g saturated)
860 mg sodium

Remember, bagels are shaped like zeros for a reason. You'd be better off with two glazed doughnuts. Or, simply move outside the menu's concentration of doughnuts and pastries and Dunkin' Donuts proves itself to be one of the better on-the-go breakfast joints in the country. Pair a couple of the Wake-Up Wraps with a zero-calorie cup of coffee to switch your metabolism from sleep mode to high gear.

Eat This Instead!
Egg & Cheese Wake-Up Wraps (2)
360 calories
20 g fat (8 g saturated)
1,020 mg sodium

10. Terrible Breakfast Panini
Panera Bread Grilled Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Sandwich
510 calories
24 g fat (10 g saturated, 0.5 g trans)
1,060 mg sodium

There are two differences between these two sandwiches. First, the Grilled Bacon, Egg & Cheese is built on ciabatta, which provides 50 more calories and half as much fiber. And second, it replaces the ham with bacon, which means an extra 100 calories of mostly fat.

Eat This Instead!
Breakfast Power Sandwich
360 calories
14 g fat (6 g saturated)
860 mg sodium

9. Terrible "Healthy" Breakfast
Jamba Juice Ideal Meal Chunky Strawberry (16 oz)
590 calories
18 g fat (3 g saturated)
55 g sugars

Similar approaches to breakfast with very different results. Replacing an oatmeal base with sugars and granola is never a good swap.

Eat This Instead!
Fresh Banana Oatmeal (oatmeal, bananas, brown sugar crumble)
370 calories
5 g fat (1 g saturated)
41 g sugars

8. Terrible Breakfast Croissant
Jack in the Box Sausage Croissant
580 calories
39 g fat (13 g saturated, 4 g trans)
770 mg sodium

Two simple but immutable rules are at play here: 1. Bacon always beats sausage, and 2. buns always beat croissants. The Breakfast Jacks are a bright spot on the menu, made even brighter by the fact that they're available all day. Take advantage.

Eat This Instead!
Bacon Breakfast Jack
300 calories
14 g fat (5 g saturated)
730 mg sodium

7. Terrible Breakfast Burrito
McDonald's McSkillet Burrito with Sausage
610 calories
36 g fat (14 g saturated)
1,390 mg sodium

For all intents and purposes, this breakfast burrito isn't actually a terrible morning choice--as long as you take it with water, and very strictly watch what you eat for the rest of the day. But why choose the 610-calorie version when you can eat an equally tasty breakfast burrito for half the calories, and 20 fewer grams of fat? This leaves you room for other nutritious foods--fruits, vegetables, whole grains--to eat without worrying throughout the day.

Eat This Instead!
Sausage Burrito
300 calories
16 g fat (7 g saturated)
830 mg sodium

6. Terrible Breakfast Combo Plate
Bob Evans Pot Roast Hash
749 calories
49 g fat (16 g saturated)
1,307 mg sodium

There's a lot of good in this dish--eggs and roast are both packed with protein, which, as we've hammered home in this slideshow, is a nutrient you should consume every breakfast. But here's what else the Pot Roast Hash comes with: Home Fries. As in fried potatoes. As in fried lumps of carbohydrates. A better option: Stick with the good, cut out the bad.

Eat This Instead!
Border Scramble Omelette with Egg Lites
416 calories
24 g fat (12 g saturated)
1,162 mg sodium

5. Terrible Biscuit
Hardee's Monster Biscuit
770 calories
55 g fat (18 g saturated)
2,310 mg sodium

The pieces of this biscuit individually aren't what make it so dangerous. It's the fact that they're all added together in one big jumbo slop heap that causes trouble. Here we're looking at bacon, sausage patty, several slices of ham, "folded egg," and two slices of American cheese. A more reasonable biscuit is what you'll find below: Simply bacon, egg, and cheese. No need to get fancy with extra toppings.

Eat This Instead!
Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit
530 calories
36 g fat (11 g saturated)
1,390 mg sodium

4. Terrible Omelet
IHOP Spinach and Mushroom Omelette (no pancakes on the side)
910 calories
71 g fat (26 g saturated, 1 g trans)
1,580 mg sodium

You can make this same omelet at home for roughly 300 calories. What sets IHOP's apart? The absurd amount of cheap fats being tossed around the kitchen. This thing has more saturated fat than a half stick of butter, and if you opt for the pancakes on the side, you can tack another 450 calories onto your nutritional debt.

Eat This Instead!
Two x Two x Two (with bacon)
560 calories
31 g fat (11 g saturated)
1,280 mg sodium

3. Terrible French Toast
IHOP Stuffed French Toast with Strawberry Topping
1,030 calories
39 g fat (17 g saturated, 1 g trans)
755 mg sodium
61 g sugars

IHOP's menu is full of gut-busting sweets--Stuffed French Toast, Belgian Waffles, Strawberry banana Danish Fruit Crepes... you name it. The problem with each and every one of these super-sweetened, carbo-loaded meals isn't just that they're all packing at least half a day's worth of calories; it's that they're setting you up for a massive sugar crash about halfway between breakfast and lunch. If you're set on the sweet stuff, stick with the Simple & Fit menu at IHOP. The Seasonal Fresh Fruit Crepes are great because they offer a thin layer of pancake, and a lot of fresh fruit. (So at least you're getting something out of it, nutritionally).

Eat This Instead!
SIMPLE & FIT Seasonal Fresh Fruit Crepes
590 calories
24 g fat (4.5 g saturated)
430 mg sodium
43 g sugars

2. Terrible Pancakes
IHOP Harvest Grain 'N Nut Pancakes (4) with Cinnamon Apple Compote and Whipped Topping
1,060 calories
51.5 g fat (13 g saturated)
1,945 mg sodium
50 g sugars

Whatever you do at IHOP, don't add a fruity compote to your waffle or pancake platter. That'll guarantee that you double your plate's sugar count and add at least 150 calories to the final tally (which, if you order more than 3 pancakes, is already going to be mighty high). The reason that fruity compote is so bad for you is because it's not fresh fruit we're dealing with--it's more like a sugary goo that has fruit chunks drowning in it.

Eat This Instead!
Original Buttermilk Pancakes, Short Stack (3)
490 calories
18 g fat (8 g saturated, 1 g trans)
1,610 mg sodium
13 g sugars

1. Terrible Slamwich
Denny's Grand Slamwich
1,320 calories
90 g fat (42 g saturated, 1 g trans)
3,070 mg sodium

Bacon, sausage, ham, eggs, cheese, and mayo conspire to create the worst breakfast sandwich in America. Start your day with this and you'll need to wait 48 hours before consuming another gram of saturated fat. And that's before you get to the hash browns that come on the side.

Eat This Instead!
2 Fried Eggs with Honey Ham and Hash Browns
560 calories
41 g fat (11.5 g saturated)
1,150 mg sodium

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"