How To Spot Abuse

Many women are in an abusive relationship and don't even know it. As a life coach, I hear every week from women looking for relationship advice. Many of these women are in an abusive relationship, but just can't see it.
These women often feel confused, lonely, and helpless about their relationship, but don't know that the reason why is because they're in an abusive relationship. The majority of women I work with aren't in a physically abusive relationship, but instead suffer emotional abuse and verbal abuse, which can be much harder to call out as abusive.

Here are 4 signs to look for to spot an abusive relationship.

1. Living in an atmosphere of fear, intimidation and unpredictability.
2. Does your spouse react with a violent rage to the slightest upset? If your spouse’s reactions to events are exaggerated then you are living with abuse that is disproportionate to the imaged offense.
3. The abuser engineer’s impossible, dangerous, unpredictable, unprecedented, or highly specific situations in which he is needed, depended on or considered the only source of authority, knowledge, skills, or useful traits.
4. Most abusers lack empathy. They dehumanize and treat people like objects, extensions of themselves, or instruments to be played as they wish.

If some of these descriptions sound like your relationship, but you're still not sure whether or not you're really in an abusive relationship, get some professional help from a licensed counselor. Confusion is a byproduct of relationship abuse, so be sure to get some objective relationship advice so you can really see the truth of your relationship.


"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Run From These Women

When you are between the ages of 19-40, then you are in the Stage 6, intimacy vs. isolation of Erickson’s psychosocial development stage. This is where love relationships becomes the highlight of your life. It is very normal that your yearning to be with someone is just so strong. So strong that you sometimes just “settle” for the first woman that comes your way.

However, before you start settling for someone, stop and read this article about different types of women to stay away from. Some of the types of women that you don’t want yourself to be entangled with are the ones who are just pure evil. This kind of woman may look normal on first impression.

However, as familiarity develops, you noticed, that just like a piece of onion, your woman has different layers and as the layers peel off deeper, you can’t stop your tears from falling. These types of women are special cases, meaning rare, but once you are caught in their lair, they can totally change your life- you might develop psychological trauma on things you never thought possible.

When you look into their eyes, it sends shivers to your spine; you can never fathom the deed that they are capable of. There’s this darkness in their personality that you can’t explain. They are very vengeful and you can't see a tinge of conscience in their soul, they're just…dark.

You tiptoe on your every moves, making sure that you don't disappoint them. They remind you of Glenn Close’s character in “Fatal Attraction”. If you don’t want to develop a nervous breakdown, then break-free from the relationship and make sure that they can never track you down, because they are the kind of woman who will butcher your dog and let you eat it for dinner.

Further types of women that you should stay away from are then ones that cannot decide. They are too afraid to take any risks or make any mistakes. They have no direction and worst, they are taking their frustrations out on you. If you don’t want to die from frustration induced heart attack, then find yourself another girlfriend.

Further types of women to avoid are the ones that incessantly talks but says nothing. You know, those girls who talks about senseless things over and over and doesn’t know how stop talking. These are the types that really pushes your button and makes you feel like yelling several times a day.

If you want a meaningful relationship, then find a partner that you can sensibly talk with about anything and everything other than nail polish and her girl friend’s new hat. More types of women to avoid are money- hungry females, whose middle name is “Greed”. These are the types of women who just take and take and take some more.

There are also types of women who are encapsulated with negativity. You can never do anything right! They just zap your will to live right then and there! Then there are also types of women who are 50, but dresses like 15.  If you see a woman who shows a bit too much skin for her age, then there are definitely serious issues there.

There are some girls who are always in a war-like mood, who are always looking and ready for a brawl. Then there's this over-sensitive females that even the tiniest and innocent criticism would make them sob and run to daddy for help- stay away from them. Now that you know the different types of women to avoid, I pray that you find love!
"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Online Shirts

Buying designer men’s shirts online gives you the opportunity to go through a wide range of collections and styles. And moreover there is no regretting that you didn’t find the one you were looking for. Here you also have the option to go through each and every shirt in detail before you decide to buy them. So, the next time you want to buy a shirt, go online and experience the pleasure of shopping online.

Companies that sell shirts online make sure that they have a very interesting shirt gallery. This gallery displays the shirts in the best possible graphic resolution so that you can see a shirt as if you are watching or touching it while you are in a real shop. Apart from this, every detail of the shirt will be available to you.

Things that you need to remember when you are shopping online for designer men’s shirts: it is important to note down the different features of a shirt to make sure that you get the same shirt that you had ordered online. Like the fabric you had chosen, the pattern, the color, the style and other small but important features of a shirt.

The different styles and pattern that are available in designer men’s shirts include solid shirts, striped shirts, and checked shirts. You also get a variation of striped shirt and checked shirt i.e. from small checks to large check shirts. You could also find websites/companies that offer customized services for their online customers. Such services help you to remove your confusion as to whether an online ordered designer shirt would fit you properly or not.

Buy online men’s shirts and be a trend setter! Being online to buy designer men’s shirts will help you to know about the latest trends and styles in the market. Also to bring new styles in the market that others would follow.

It is possible that you would get great offers and discounts while you are online. Many companies give great offers just to promote their online shopping. There are cases where people have bought costly designer shirts at great discounts, which otherwise would have not been possible to buy from a real shop. So if you are going online for designer men’s shirts, you can be sure to get shirts for every occasion at a discounted price. Not only will you be surprised with the different colors and patterns that are available, but you will be happy with the quality of shirts you get.

These days, with the advanced online technologies, the companies make sure that they give the best online experience to their customers. So you are getting more than you asked for at an online buy. Moreover it’s the perfect way to gift designer shirts to your near and dear ones. Many online websites give you the facility to order shirts online and they deliver it in the gift form to your friends and family members. So what are you waiting for, go online and get a designer men’s shirt for yourself or for your friends
"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

How To Understand Your Wife Sexually

You may have read this from somewhere: 75% of women do not reach orgasm during sexual intercourse. The good news is that as a husband you can improve on this situation to be in the 25% that make her sexually addicted to you. This requires you to understand the 4 stages of orgasm which are as follows:

(1) Excitement

(2) Plateau

(3) Orgasm

(4) Resolution

Excitement

What happens when you get excited? Blood rushes to your penis and it goes erect. As for women, it works in the same way, with blood rushes into her genitals causing her clitoris to swell and her vagina to increase in diameter and length. Then she will start to lubricate, that its, she gets wet. While getting excited can happen to men quickly, for women, this requires gradual escalation. The key to get her excited is to build up her anticipation and tension.

Anticipation (otherwise known as “teasing” and “excitement”) is an effective tool to get her more aroused so as to give her higher chances of achieving orgasm. The process of building up anticipation also results in cranking up sexual tension as well, which will have to be released in the form of an orgasm later.

The way to building up anticipation is to focus on the areas surrounding the main “target” before you actually go for it. For example, you can do this by stroking her inner thighs, buttocks and hips before touching her vagina. At the same time, the tension inside her starts building up and at some point needs to be released. When building up her anticipation, you are also building up your own too. Therefore, it is very important for you to maintain self-control and keep the escalation at the right pace.

Plateau

The term plateau gives the impression that there is not a lot happening. On the contrary, there is a lot going on. Your heart rate and your breathing speed up. Blood is congested in your genitals, waiting to blow. The same also happens to her. Listen to her breathing and feel her heart rate. If you do not notice any changes, go back to step one.

Orgasm

Now, here is where men and women differ. At this phase, men’s arousal builds up intensely and the amount of stimulation tips over into ejaculation. In other words, this is the point of no return stage for men as he is going to cum. Women do not have this. A woman can be a split second away from orgasm and it may be interrupted. She must be stimulated all the way through her orgasm.

After this, there is the Refractory Period. That is the part where men cum and definitely not going to climax again. Here again, women do not have a Refractory Period! They still remain at the Plateau Stage.

The way to cope with this is to extend the men’s “plateau” stage. This means men need to maintain their level of arousal without surging to the climax stage. Here are is a way to prolong the “plateau” phase:

(a) Maintain a steady tempo during penetration. Allow your thrusts to gradually gain momentum and when you feel you are fairly close to climax, slow down and if possible to withdraw entirely. Resume penetration when the arousal tapers off. Explain to your wife why you are doing this because her support and understanding is important to strengthen confidence in your performance.

Resolution

After the Refractory Stage, comes the Resolution. This is the stage where men are probably snoring away. Since women do not go through the Refractory Stage, Resolution begins once stimulation has ended. If she is sexually satisfied, her brain will be flooded with endorphins, the happiness hormone.
"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Best Man Speech

How do you stop those butterflies and shaky knees?

I think the fact here is most people get nervous when speaking in front of a large group of people. Especially when one of your good friends is counting on you for a great speech. But not to worry I have some tips to help you cope though this awesome but terrifying event.

First thing to remember is your not taking and evaluation; it's all your friends, friends and family. They are one of the warmest audiences you could be specking too. They have come to see your best friend's wedding and are not there to criticize your speech. Picture you at thanks giving dinner with the whole family around as you're telling a story.

Try not to think about making the speech before it has to happens, this makes you more nervous. As long as you know what you are going to say as soon as you stand up it becomes a lot more fun and less a dreaded task. Keep the first line of your speech in your head before you start to make it a little easier to start.

How do I Prepare?

Make a speech and practice it in front of friends and family, get a feel for how it sounds and change anything you don't like. Play around with your expression and tones with certain words you want to have more meaning. Try reciting your speech every night so when the day comes, you know exactly what to say and become more confident in how you deliver it.

When is the best time for the speech?

This would be right before you eat, make sure people are settled down.

You should also know.

Just be yourself, being you is what got you as the best man anyways. This is your chance to say great things about the people you care about in front of all their friends and family. SO go get them and make the most of this rare opportunity.

By following these tips you should be able to produce a fantastic best man speech. Take the time to prepare your speech early and write it from your heart. Remember, if you don't have the time or expertise to write your own there are many products on the internet or contact me and I can help you out.
"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Nightwear

Buying ladies nightwear can be baffling to a man and yet sometime in your life you might have to undertake this difficult task. Many men would feel blessed if they receive a tutorial on how to buy the right ladies night cloth to save them the confusion. It's pretty embarrassing to have to ask the sales person for suggestions when you are buying it for your wife. To save you from this ordeal I have therefore discussed the few tips which would help you find the right ladies nightwear.

Something flattering: Try to buy something which she doesn't wear every day. When you are planning to gift a ladies nightwear, being a little extravagant won't hurt. Look for rich colors and fabric. Remember women do love to receive flattering gifts from their husbands. You may buy a nightwear which would accentuate her beauty and complements her figure.

Understand the color: The colors would speak volumes but it must go with her personality. Colors have their special meanings. Hence, you may give sometime in understanding the different meanings of different colors. Also, you may spare some thoughts to the right type of ladies nightwear for your wife- when nightgowns are more on the traditional side, Chemises are more flirty. There are also endless choices available in between as well. Finding the right type nightwear is therefore essential if you want your wife to really like it.

Set the right mood: While shopping for ladies nightwear keep the occasion in mind. Setting the right mood is important with the gift. The nature of your gift would vary depending upon the occasion as well as the person who you want to gift.

Be observant: Being observant pays off when it comes to choose the right ladies nightwear. Small things like her preferences of color, style and type would help you decide faster about the right product.

Ask yourself: Ask yourself how you would like to see her, which color you think would suit her the best. Women like to wear something which would get her flattering remarks from her spouse but of course that has to be genuine. Try to imagine her on that night suit and you would know what to buy.

Budget: Of course you don't have to go overboard to gift your loved ones. You must shop around to find the right option within your budget. You can now also shop online to explore the wide range of ladies nightwear. Shopping online would also let you find some great budget deals time to time.

There could be number of occasions- birthday, valentine's day, anniversary and so on and so forth, when you might wish to give a present to your spouse. While it comes to buying ladies nightwear let your imagination rule. The market for ladies nightwear is one of the most diverse with no dearth of options in style, color and type. Further, you can add accessories with the nightwear to make it more complete. You can choose from the wide range of items to accessories the nightwear to make it even more perfect as gift.
"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Premature Ejaculation

When individuals talk about premature ejaculation medication, medicines like Viagra come to mind. But then these medicines mainly treat impotence. Viagra along with other similar medicines like Cialis and Levitra and are clinically secure and efficient treatment for impotence.

Then again, none of these medications - Viagra, Levitra or Cialis are indicated or confirmed to prevent premature ejaculation - a typical sexual issue that causes males to ejaculate sooner than both he or his wife would wish. Premature ejaculation can be frustrating for each partners and might even endanger their marriage if a man ejaculates previously than needed on a normal foundation.

Although Viagra, Cialis and Levitra has not been shown to stop premature ejaculation, some men have reported that these medicines will assist stopping ejaculation sooner than desired. While you will find a number of elements that could cause premature ejaculation, it was mentioned that impotence can lead to premature ejaculation.

Impotence, is really a various tale compared to premature ejaculation. Impotence is a condition exactly where a man with a consistent inability to achieve or preserve an erect penis long enough to complete intercourse. Popular medicines like Viagra, Cialis and Levitra are very helpful in the treatment of men suffering from impotence. Countless males with impotence within the globe have successfully used Viagra, Cialis or Levitra to improve their sex lives.

Males with erectile problems are the majority of the time attempting to reach orgasm inside a hurry because they're afraid of losing an erection before intercourse is done, deeply disturbed, these men ejaculate faster than hoped. In these instances, treatment of impotence medicines like Viagra, Cialis or Levitra may thus help prevent premature ejaculation.

Males who have problems with premature ejaculation, although not impotence ought to not use Viagra, Cialis or Levitra. Following the advice of a doctor, they can make use of lotions and gels that prevents a guy to ejaculate prematurely.

A new drug, known as dapoxetine Priligy is also obtainable in some countries for your treatment of premature ejaculation, and it would be advisable to seek advice from your doctor for much more guidance.

It could consequently be said that even when Viagra can't directly assist within the therapy of premature ejaculation, can help men preserve an erection long sufficient to total sexual activity, and therefore assist removing the anxiousness of losing his erection - the trigger of premature ejaculation in most males. This really is what most men believe is a defense mechanism.

However the fact nonetheless remains that these drugs aren't premature ejaculation medications.

"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

9 Ways To Get Your Husband To Clean Up

Talk to him. While you may find it hard to believe that he can't see anything's amiss with the layer of dust covering your furniture or the mildew growing on the shower curtain, the truth is if your husband's not complaining, he's probably fine living that way. The average guy feels like if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Take the time to let him know what you mean by a "clean" house.

Instead of quietly stewing with resentment or complaining to your girlfriends, tell your spouse you need more help keeping your place (relatively) clean. Be firm, but resist nagging. Nagging isn't very assertive — it's humiliating to the person doing the nagging and annoying to the person being nagged. I suggest a friendly approach: Tell your husband that you've been feeling overwhelmed and that you really need and appreciate his help. Start by creating a short to-do list for him, and pick the tasks that have been bugging you the most. You might specify jobs such as cleaning up after dinner, making the bed on the weekends, and taking primary responsibility for the baby at least one weekend morning so you can sleep in.

Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.
This old adage can hold true for household chores too. "While some men feign incompetence, some genuinely have never learned how to do housework," notes sociologist Coltrane. Before your mate takes on a chore, demonstrate it for him, talking him through it as you go.

Don't be a control freak!
One of the reasons men don't help around the house as much as we'd like is that we can make them feel like they can't do anything right. So once you've shown him how to separate whites and colors, and to dust before running the vacuum, consider that his standards may never meet yours. Decide what you can live with: If the choice is to do every task yourself, or to live with his less-than-perfect housekeeping skills, you may more readily settle for adequate. A little restraint and a heaping of praise can go a long way in his wanting to be involved and useful.

Choose chores he'll want to do.
It's much easier to motivate someone to do something he likes, so if your mate's more inclined to cook than to clean up, ask him if he'll prepare more meals during the week. Of the "big five" household tasks — cooking preparation, meal cleanup, shopping, laundry, and housework — men are more likely to do the first three and least likely to do the last two, says sociologist Scott Coltrane. So strike some new deals with your spouse. If you've been doing all the shopping, cooking, and cleaning, let him troll the market aisles, cut up the vegetables, and toss the salad for dinner. He may even enjoy it. While it may seem unfair that he gets to choose jobs he wants to do, consider that it's better than the alternative — doing everything yourself!

Do a little at a time.
Splitting chores between you and your spouse over several days will keep weekends from turning into nonstop drudgery. By spreading chores out across the week, keeping a (fairly) clean house seems less overwhelming — plus we've freed up more weekend time for family fun," she says.

Appeal to his charitable side.
Show your husband that getting rid of the toys collecting cobwebs in your living room and the forgotten clothes in your closets is a great way to help a good cause and save your family money. Ask him to oversee a "giveaway box" to which he and the kids can contribute, and then put yourself on a calling list for a couple of charities and thrift stores. The charity picks up the items and leaves a donation slip for tax write-off purposes.

Outsource!
If you can, make some cuts in your budget, and use the money to hire cleaning help. (Cost will vary depending on where you live and the size of your house, but the national average for someone to clean every week or every other week is around $75 to $110 per visit.) Cleaning ranks way below family, work, and personal time in my order of priorities. Also, having cleaners come every two weeks forces us to do a round of picking up and de-cluttering on the day before they come.

And if he still doesn't pitch in...
Pray!!! Seek Counseling!!!

Take time to reconnect.
Finally, if you've been more irritated than usual by dishes collecting in the sink, consider whether it's merely the grimy plates that need attention. "In all my years of working with couples there seems to be this pattern: When men aren't paying attention to their wives, the housework issue becomes more of an issue". It becomes less of an issue if men are making an effort to be closer emotionally." It becomes a vicious cycle: When women aren't getting help, they become less physically affectionate with their spouses, who in turn withdraw more emotionally. "It would ease tension if couples took the time to reconnect on a regular basis." So at least once a month, do the things you used to enjoy together before you had children (and a messy house). Send the kids to Grandma's overnight so you can have a romantic evening in. Or hire a babysitter and go out for a relaxing dinner. Besides remembering what made you a good couple, the next-best part is that neither of you has to clean up the dishes afterward.

"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Men: Are You Trying To Control Her?

Male control works by physically, verbally, or emotionally destroying your partner's physical and emotional integrity so that she will be afraid to be herself, will control herself, and therefore be available to be controlled by YOU." Emotionally controlling behavior is implemented through verbal abuse, body language, and deprivation (withholding). These behaviors are "the way the abuser treats his partner.

Abuse is always about CONTROL. Whether it is verbal abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse, IT IS ABOUT CONTROLLING YOUR PARTNER, subtly or openly.

Check yourself out with these controlling behaviors or words:

CONTROLLING HER TIME: The abuser controls his partner's time by making her wait. He will say he is ready to talk, but will continue doing something else while his partner waits. He will tell her he is ready to go to bed, then make her wait. If she complains of having to wait, he will blame her for "not having enough patience", "I have to wait on you too", or "Do you expect me just to drop everything!"-- thereby blaming her for HIS making her wait. This also commonly occurs when the abuser is called to a meal, family activity, or that everyone else is ready to leave. If the partner does something while waiting, the abuser will then angrily proclaim that "HE has been waiting on HER". A subtle way of controlling a partner's time is to leave most, if not all, of the work for her to do-then complaining about anything she does for herself, or what she does not get done. Other examples are procrastinating promised work (especially what she is counting on), "watching just one more program" or "playing one more game" (that goes on and on and on), refusing to give a simple and direct answer to concrete and direct questions (Are you going to do this or that. "We'll have to wait and see, I suppose, maybe, what do You think, I didn't know I was supposed to...why don't you figure it out!") The abuser may also control his partner's time by grandstanding. If she tells him she is unhappy about an incident, he will deny it happened, discount her feelings, or accuse her of trying to start a fight. He might also proclaim that "you're causing the problem by bringing it up," "no one else notices," "everyone else does, so why can't I," Diverting, countering, blocking, "forgetting," forcing her to explain, making her repeat because the abuser was not listening or paying attention, and "prove it" are also common ways to control the partner's time and energy. It is rare that an abuser will be willing to discuss or negotiate HIS plan-to do so would be giving up control. This type of control is two-fold: Control her time in some way, any way, then blame HER for it.

CONTROLLING HER MATERIAL RESOURCES: The verbal abuser may control one or all of his partner's material resources by WITHHOLDING information as well as by withholding work which he has promised to do, often by "forgetting", "I don't know how", or "I didn't know I had to". Another common practice of the abuser is to withhold needed money, then compound the abuse by forcing her to act on her own, beg, plead, or do without. He then begins blaming his withholding on her acting on her own, begging, pleading, or "trying to be a martyr." In more severe cases, the controlling abuser will keep money from his wife that is necessary for her survival and that of their family (whether it is the promised food budget money or his entire salary). He gives no thought to "spending his own money," or what his control and selfishness is doing to his wife and family who are either deprived of necessities or working desperately to support themselves while HE feels in control and free!

CONTROLLING WITH BODY LANGUAGE AND GESTURES: The verbal abuser uses body language to control his partner, just as he uses words. The words and gestures often go together. This can be seen as using HIMSELF to control his partner. Following are some hurtful and intimidating ways of controlling that are forms of withholding and abusive anger:

Sulking
Stomping out
Refusing to talk
Walking away
Refusing to give her something
Hitting or kicking something
Refusing to make eye contact
Driving recklessly
Boredom-crossed arms, eyes closed, head down, deep sighs
Withdrawing or withholding affection
Showing disgust-rolled eyes, deep sighs, inappropriate sounds
Strutting and posturing

CONTROLLING BY DEFINING HER REALITY: This form of control is very oppressive. When he tells his partner what reality is, he is playing God, he is discounting the partner's experience by defining "THE TRUTH"-which in fact is a LIE. Some examples: That's not what you said or That's not what I said or That's not what you did or That's not what I did or That's not what happened. That's not what you saw. That's not what you felt. That's not why you did it. I know you better than you know yourself!

CONTROLLING BY MAKING HER RESPONSIBLE: By telling his partner she is responsible for his behavior, this verbal abuser attempts to avoid all responsibility for his own behavior. In other words, he avoids accountability by BLAMING. Examples include:
I did it because you...
You didn't remind me.
You just don't see what I do.
Just show me how
Set a good example

CONTROLLING BY ASSIGNING STATUS: Putting her down, especially on what she does best.
Putting her up, praising or thanking her for trivial things rather than the big things she does, which demeans her talents, time, and energy, while implying she is best suited to do trivial or demeaning tasks. This category also includes statements such as: That right! You're a woman!! (said with disgust) What makes you think you can do that? I'm the leader, the boss. You're not THAT stupid. Just THINK about it. ITS THAT'S SIMPLE.

CONTROLLING BY DIMINISHING YOUR PARTNER:
Belittling
Laughing at or smirking
Offensive jokes
Mimicking your partner
Patronizing
Scornful, disdainful, contemptuous tone of voice
Ignoring, "I'm not listening to you"
Avoiding eye contact, turning away
Expecting partner to talk to you while you're watching TV, reading, game playing
Words like "Sooo" or "So what!" or "That means NOTHING to me" or "Whatever"
Bafflegabbing - talking in ways intended to mislead or baffle your partner
Insulting your partner
Making inappropriate sounds
Making inappropriate facial expressions-rolled eyes, grimaces, deep sighs
Starting a sentence then stating, "Forget it.."
Accusing her of being "controlling", "having to have the last word"

CONTROLLING behaviors such as those above are used by verbal abusers to gain feelings of power and control whenever the suppressed fear and pain in his own life start to "seep out" - terrified of not being in control, terrified of "feeling," terrified of her leaving. Do you have the courage to see yourself as others see you - as your wife and children see you? Do you have the courage to be honest with yourself? If you have seen or heard yourself in the paragraphs above RUN, don't walk to get help. Suggested are the following steps:

Read everything you can about verbal abuse-several times over.

Listen to your partner with an open, accepting mind and feel your pain without shutting down in anger or withdrawal.

Make a list of everything you've ever done that was abusive-ask your partner to review the list.

Ask your partner to remind you every time you say or do something abusive.

Become aware of the effects of verbal abuse on the partner-read about women's experiences, pain, torment, doubt, fear, loss of spirit and self, etc.

Get into a men's group (a domestic violence men's group) to help root out the controlling behaviors and anger and pain.

STOP controlling.

Start feeling your pain.

You must want to change more than you want to control. No one can make you change. But wouldn't you like to know what a REAL relationship is with your partner and your children? Don't you want to be free of the pain of your life? IT IS WORTH IT!

I offer marriage and family coaching. I also have a male mentoring program that would help you deal with a controlling attitude.

When Domestic Violence Happens to Men

Women aren't the only victims of domestic violence. Understand the signs of domestic violence against men, and know how to get help.

Recognize domestic violence against men

Domestic violence — also known as domestic abuse, battering or intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence against men can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse.

It might not be easy to recognize domestic violence against men. Early in the relationship, your partner might seem attentive, generous and protective in ways that later turn out to be controlling and frightening. Initially, the abuse might appear as isolated incidents. Your partner might apologize and promise not to abuse you again.

In other relationships, domestic violence against men might include both partners slapping or shoving each other when they get angry — and neither partner seeing himself or herself as being abused or controlled. This type of violence, however, can still devastate a relationship, causing both physical and emotional damage.

You might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
Prevents you from going to work or school
Stops you from seeing family members or friends
Tries to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear
Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
Threatens you with violence or a weapon
Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children
or your pets
Assaults you while you're sleeping, you've been drinking or you're not
paying attention to make up for a difference in strength
Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it
Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual

Children and abuse

Domestic violence affects children, even if they're just witnesses. If you have children, remember that exposure to domestic violence puts them at risk of developmental problems, psychiatric disorders, problems at school, aggressive behavior and low self-esteem. You might worry that seeking help could further endanger you and your children, or that it might break up your family. Fathers might fear that abusive partners will try to take their children away from them. However, getting help is the best way to protect your children — and yourself.

Break the cycle

If you're in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern:
Your abuser threatens violence.
Your abuser strikes you.
Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.
The cycle repeats itself.

Typically the violence becomes more frequent and severe over time.

Domestic violence can leave you depressed and anxious. You might be more likely to abuse alcohol or drugs or engage in unprotected sex. Domestic violence can even trigger suicide attempts. Because men are traditionally thought to be physically stronger than women, you might be less likely to talk about or report incidents of domestic violence in your heterosexual relationship due to embarrassment or fear of ridicule. You might also worry that the significance of the abuse will be minimized because you're a man. Similarly, a man being abused by another man might be reluctant to talk about the problem because of how it reflects on his masculinity or because it exposes his sexual orientation. Additionally, if you seek help, you might confront a shortage of resources for male victims of domestic violence. Health care providers and other contacts might not think to ask if your injuries were caused by domestic violence, making it harder to open up about abuse. You might also fear that if you talk to someone about the abuse, you'll be accused of wrongdoing yourself. Remember, though, if you're being abused, you aren't to blame — and help is available.

Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a friend, relative, health care provider or other close contact. At first, you might find it hard to talk about the abuse. However, you'll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support.

Create a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. Consider taking these precautions:
Call a domestic violence hotline for advice. Make the call at a safe time — when the abuser isn't around — or from a friend's house or other safe location.

Pack an emergency bag that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra clothes and keys. Leave the bag in a safe place. Keep important personal papers, money and prescription medications handy so that you can take them with you on short notice. Know exactly where you'll go and how you'll get there.

Protect your communication and location

An abuser can use technology to monitor your telephone and online communication and to track your physical location. If you're concerned for your safety, seek help. To maintain your privacy:

Use phones cautiously. Your abuser might intercept calls and listen to your conversations. He or she might use caller ID, check your cellphone or search your phone billing records to see your complete call and texting history.

Use your home computer cautiously. Your abuser might use spyware to monitor your emails and the websites you visit. Consider using a computer at work, at the library or at a friend's house to seek help.

Remove GPS devices from your vehicle. Your abuser might use a GPS device to pinpoint your location.

Frequently change your email password. Choose a password that would be impossible for your abuser to guess.

Clear your viewing history. Follow your browser's instructions to clear any record of websites or graphics you've viewed.

Where to seek help

In an emergency, call 911 — or your local emergency number or law enforcement agency. The following resources also can help:

Someone you trust. Turn to a friend, relative, neighbor, co-worker or religious or spiritual adviser for support.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE or 800-799-7233. The hotline provides crisis intervention and referrals to resources.

Your health care provider. Doctors and nurses will treat injuries and can refer you to other local resources.

A counseling or mental health center. Counseling and support groups for people in abusive relationships are available in most communities.

A local court. Your district court can help you obtain a restraining order that legally mandates the abuser to stay away from you or face arrest. Local advocates may be available to help guide you through the process.

Domestic violence against men can have devastating effects. Although you may not be able to stop your partner's abusive behavior, you can seek help. Remember, no one deserves to be abused.

"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

What Are You Willing To Do?

82.3% is the number of African American children born since 1990 that will not live in the same home as their biological fathers before their 16th birthday. Today, a generation of African American youth, specifically boys, have not had sustained access to positive paternal or male role models.

Consequently, the concept of a residential father is often too removed from these children’s reality. Many of us know the statistics; too many of us have attempted to affect the dilemmas facing young boys individually. The question that I ask is what are you willing to do?

"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

The Child Custody Circumstance

Child custody has emerged as an area where men run into a glass ceiling. "It's awful to take a child away from its mother!" Sound familiar? That is because it is the message that has been repeatedly hammered at society by feminists, as well as from some conservatives. But you won't hear the equivalent, "It's awful to take a child away from its father," because the feminists aren't pushing equivalent respect for fathers. Instead, you are more likely to hear this mantra about fathers, "there's so many deadbeat dads." The feminists have successfully changed the law, the courts, and societal attitudes when it comes to the custody and care of children from split homes. Instead of looking at fathers' capabilities and indiscretions individually, the law makes sweeping assumptions and treats all fathers as second class. Women, if you are successful in no other area of life, read this article closely, because you can easily succeed here, the system is so weighted in your favor. Free money, free legal help, and kind court staff. If you don't work, or don't work much, you'll make out even better, so it is best not to work much. And all you need to do is get pregnant! Men, all I offer for advice to you is this: if you have children, you'd better pray that you remain a couple.

Sad as it sounds, this is where the law is at. When a couple that has mutual children splits up, the courts examine just a few factors to determine custody, known as the "best interests of the child." These factors make it very likely that the woman will get custody of the children and hence child support money. Two of the most important factors include who is better able to "take care" of the child and whether there has been domestic violence by one of the parents. Well, these factors "sound" good, but in reality, they have been specifically selected for their heavy bias against fathers. There are numerous other factors that address equally as serious issues, that could affect mothers for the worse, or at least equally affect both parents, such as drug abuse, but these factors are conveniently not found in the "best interests of the child" statutes (there must be an actual drug conviction - which is absurd - one drug-addict mother was able to take custody away from the father even though she snorted meth every single day - the courts had no knowledge of her drug habit!). "Take care" of the child has little to do with being able to financially support the child. It should, since almost as many women as men work outside of the home now, but because a lot of women with children who split up with the fathers aren't very ambitious and sit around the house watching soap operas, the law has been crafted to label this as "taking care" of the children, instead of earning money. Since most fathers work full-time, they lose here.

"Domestic violence" is another disguised way of guaranteeing that the fathers lose. Women are now trained by society to call the police anytime their boyfriend or husband loses his temper, and are using and abusing this taxpayer funded "helpline" at an increasingly alarming rate. Murray A. Straus, a sociologist and co-director for the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, reported that at least 30 studies of domestic violence, including some he had conducted, found that women were as equally culpable of domestic violence as men. Yet this information is not widely publicized, and is downplayed by both police officers and the courts. Women are also abusing restraining orders. A recent article in Human Events cited a government study that found that fewer than half of all restraining orders contained even an allegation of physical violence. Instead of working out their fights, or leaving the man, women are taking the easy way out and forcing taxpayers to pay for their "tattling" every time they take up the time of a police officer or court. Of course, many times it is the woman who caused the fight, but that is not going to end up in the court's minute entry. Men are laughed at if they are the victims of domestic violence. One young father attempted to seek free legal help from a domestic violence law clinic after his ex-wife continued to hit him, and the clinic turned him away in amusement. Another young father had the domestic violence of an ex-girlfriend, who had hit him, used against him in order to justify taking away his child.

It is easy for mothers to obtain free legal aid in pursuing custody of their children. There are flyers everywhere - in women's restrooms, in doctors' offices, and in government buildings, offering free legal resources for women to use. The Legal Aid clinics help out so many mothers with custody disputes and divorces that recently they have had to limit their representation of custody cases to cases alleging abuse. Domestic violence legal clinics are at many of the law schools now, and give women free legal help with divorces, custody disputes, and restraining orders. If there are low-income requirements, they are rarely verified; any woman can come in and say she makes very little money, and on her word alone she will receive free legal help (just like at Planned Parenthood).

The child support laws are crafted not just to provide for the cost of raising a child, but to bring the parent receiving the support to the level she would have been at if she were still with the father! The absurdity of this situation can be seen in this all too common example: A woman cheats on her husband and then files for no-fault divorce. She gets custody of their children, AND the benefit of his salary and payraises until their child turns 18 (25 in Massachusetts) - all the money benefits as if they were still married (and she may even get alimony on top of that, but that is a different issue for another column, and at least with alimony, once the mother remarries, the alimony goes away)! Why should an ex-wife be guaranteed, years after having been married, the same living standard of her husband? Absent unhealthy circumstances, why shouldn't the parent with the BETTER living standards be considered the one better prepared to take care of the child? That way, one parent isn't stuck paying for the ex-spouse too. Currently, though, most child custody laws do not consider financial responsibility of the parent as one of the "best interests of the child."

Child support is widely touted by governmental agencies as one of the most important things government does, and the duty of it is glorified almost nazilike to the level of a moral authority. Yet what exactly does child support do? The charts for child support award way too much money to the custodial parent - does anyone really believe that it costs $800/month to raise a child? In most situations, the mother has custody and makes considerably less money than the father. According to fairly standard child support guidelines, if the mother makes $20,000/yr and the father makes $40,000/yr, and there is one child, the father should pay $535/month in child support (the formula adds both parents' salaries together, then comes up with a random number of how much they think that child costs - here it was $800 - then has the non-custodial parent pay the percentage his salary is - here it is 66%). Does anyone REALLY THINK that many of the mothers who resort to going to court to collect child support are the types of mothers who would spend a full $535/month on one child, as well as another $265/month of their own money (particularly if the child is older than 5 and in school)? There is no monitoring of that money, and it is very difficult to get a court to order any type of accounting by the mother. One such mother of a 6-year old has stated that she is saving the money for breast implants.

Furthermore, the concept of child support money discourages personal responsibility and ambition. It penalizes the custodial parent for working harder and trying to get ahead, because a higher paying job would reduce the amount of free money they receive from the other parent. It is akin to welfare - if you work hard, you aren't eligible for it. And it is a double penalty, because it also penalizes the non-custodial parent for working harder. The more money the non-custodial parent makes, the more money is taken out of his paycheck to go to the residential parent.

Do we really want to heap benefits on mothers who split up with the fathers, essentially giving "reward" money to women who have sex, instead of letting them suffer the consequences? Everyone knows that sex without true commitment leads to broken down homes and emotional trauma, particularly for any children involved. Everyone also knows that when you have sex, you may get pregnant. In some ways, child support is merely a disguised form of prostitution - women are encouraged to have sex and receive money from any man who succeeds in impregnating them. After sex, the man then has no other contact with the woman except to give her money for the child, and any modicum of visitation he can squeak out. Instead of teaching women to avoid gratuitous sex, our society encourages sex with its condom education and giveaways, and easy access to taxpayer-funded Planned Parenthoods. Women realize they can have gratuitous sex without suffering any consequences, because the safety net of a man's pocketbook will always be there for them, thanks to the long arm of the moral authoritarian government child support agency that reassures them that they are right.

And what exactly are deadbeat dads? Many "deadbeat dads" are simply fathers who are going through a hard time economically; they may have lost a job, or simply are having a difficult time paying $800/month in child support. Sure there are some fathers who have completely rejected any responsibility towards their children, but that doesn't mean all fathers should be treated like criminals and rounded up by Sheriff's Offices and taken into jail. Why are the fathers held accountable while the mothers aren't?

Why this bias against fathers has been allowed to develop may be the result of conservatives' neglect of this area of the law. Conservatives have avoided domestic relations law, not wanting to get involved in this area because of their strong dislike of divorce as well as their old-fashioned view that mothers are better nurturers than fathers. Consequently, liberal feminists have had free reign here. What is interesting however, is the flavor of feminism which has prevailed - it is not the version that encourages men to be more sensitive, but instead the version that accepts prostitution and rampant sexual promiscuousness as a component of womens' equality.

The feminists' efforts in this area are no doubt driven by both their beliefs that mothers are better nurturers of children, and their resentment towards men who use women for sex and then leave them. But punishing all men equally fails to take into account certain things. First of all, those men eventually remarry and move on with their lives. The courts consider the new spouse's salary when computing child support! So punishing the father also results in punishing another completely innocent woman. Secondly, child support creates resentment and additional fighting between the parents, since the paying parent resents the other parent and will try to change the situation. This clogs up the family courts.

So what should the solution be? For starters, how about ending child support between parents who both want custody of their children? If someone really wants their children, they will find a way to make ends meet. It just doesn't cost that much to raise a child, no matter what people whine. The message we should be sending is, if you can't afford a child, then abstain from sex! Foster parents receive around $300/month per child. This isn't very much money. Nobody seems to complain about those children not receiving $800/month. Why not let the parent who wants to care for the child, and is more financially capable, have the custody, or at the very least cut out the child support? That way, no parent is stuck supporting the other parent. This would also send a message to parents that they should be ambitious and set good work ethics for their children, instead of the current message which encourages parents to be lazy and earn less. If the mother has to work during the day, and the father works evenings, let the father take care of the children during the day instead of putting them in daycare. There are better workable solutions than giving the children to the mother just because she is lazy and stays at home, utilizing the father only as a money funnel. One mother sat around the house getting high on her days off, yet still put her child in daycare, using the father's money!

Finally, "domestic violence," which has been abused by women, should be looked at more closely by the courts if it is to be a factor in determining child custody. There may be more to "domestic violence" than appears in a brief minute entry or police report. For example, the mother may have been racked out on drugs at the time she called the police, as well as every day of her life, yet this is not taken into consideration as part of the "best interests of the child" unless there is an actual drug conviction. The courts should also examine whether the mother is the type to move from abuser to abuser, which ultimately creates an unstable upbringing for the child. Is it really better that a child stay with a mother who cycles through violent or volatile relationships, or is it better that the child live with the father whose only "history of domestic violence" occurred when the mother obtained dubious restraining orders against him when she was having affairs on him? Unfortunately, the laws do not currently take these circumstances into consideration when considering the "best interests of the child." Unless a father has an excellent attorney who is able to get ahold of hard evidence proving these types of circumstances, and has success persuading a judge to give these factors some weight even though they are not in the law, a father is simply out of luck. He has reached the glass ceiling for fathers in child custody.



"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Male Hygiene

Male hygiene often gets summed up into the need to shower and shave every day while also using deodorant, but there is much more to staying clean and healthy than just hitting the showers. Men sweat differently, and in different places, than women. Men also have more body hair that traps bacteria, dirt and odors. In fact, it is the bacteria built up on the skin and within hair follicles that smells, often of cheese, oddly, and not the sweat. Sweat does not have an odor.

Male hygiene factors greatly into your sexual health as well. Circumcision has been done on males in the west for nearly a century to prevent urinary tract infections and other diseases. Viruses and bacteria are easily trapped under the foreskin of the uncircumcised penis. New studies have recently shown a link between circumcision and reduced transmissions of HIV in third world countries. Yet, male hygiene is often easily regulated by changing and washing clothes daily as well as bed sheets on a regular schedule. All of these, including the rudimentary acts of showering at least once -- if not twice -- a day, rinsing with cold water and toweling off with a clean, dry towel are important factors in maintaining the hygiene of the male body.

No matter how many articles you read about business, fashion and sex, none of them will really change and improve your life unless you take care of the basics. Being a man also means paying attention to the special factors of male hygiene. Sure, showering every day, using the right soap, shampoo, and shave gels will keep your cleanliness in check, but you also have to take note of how you execute these basics steps.

Showering is one thing, but men have a bad habit of soaking themselves in hot water and barely toweling off before dressing. This results in your body becoming a breeding ground for bacteria that causes you to smell and stain your clothes. So, not only are you repulsive to women, but you’ve ruined your wardrobe. Instead, you should rinse yourself in cold water and dry your body completely, especially under your arms and around your groin where moisture is a foregone conclusion.

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

PSA Testing

According to the American Cancer Society, other than skin cancer, prostate cancer is the second most common cancer in American men. In fact, prostate cancer will strike one out of every six American men at some point in their lifetime.

But there is good news to report. With early detection aided by screening, and advancements in treatment, we have seen a significant improvement in quality of life and longevity for patients diagnosed with prostate cancer.

Since the 1980’s, Prostate Specific Antigen (or PSA) tests and Digital Rectal Exams (DRE’s) have been the most common tools used in prostate cancer screening.

In recent years, there has been some controversy around the usefulness of PSA testing in screening for prostate cancer. However, studies are not yet clear. While there is some concern about “overdiagnosis” and “overtreatment,” there is also evidence that PSA testing does result in the detection of prostate cancer in more men at an earlier stage.

This leaves many men asking the question, “Should I get a PSA test?” That answer lies with you and your primary care provider. He or she is the best person to discuss with you the pros and cons of PSA testing, and he or she can help you to decide whether PSA testing is right for you. If you and your doctor determine that this screening test is in your best interest, know that a PSA test is a simple blood test.

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Men, Women, and Self Esteem

Overview

Self-esteem fluctuates over time, according to recent findings in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Family relationships, social status and career achievement influence our feelings of personal worth, which can vary depending on our stage of life. Self-esteem generally evolves similarly for men and women across the lifespan, but how we learn to value ourselves as individuals---and what we learn to value---may differ.

Similarities

With greater income and employment status, self-esteem increases for both sexes until age 60. That's according to researchers Ulrich Orth, Ph.D., Kali Trzesniewski, Ph.D. and Richard Robins, Ph.D., whose longitudinal study sampled more than 3,600 participants ranging in age from 25 to 104 years. After age 60, reduced income and declining health contributed to lower self-esteem, a trend that is consistent for both sexes.

Differences

Men have been shown to have higher self-esteem than women for the majority of adult life, according to Orth and colleagues. The study further suggested that social, economic and health factors may contribute to this difference. Self-esteem also differs for men and women, notes Joel Wade, Ph.D., of Bucknell University. His study, which appeared in a 2000 issue of International Journal of Psychology, found that men's self-esteem is linked to physical strength and a sense of dominance, while women's self-esteem is often associated fertility and motherhood.

Significance

Self-perception often determines how we respond to feedback from others--including in the workplace. That's according to researchers Maria Johnson and Vicki Helgeson, Ph.D., whose article appeared in a 2002 issue of "Psychology of Women Quarterly." In their study, Johnson and Helgeson found that men's self-esteem was largely unaffected by either praise or corrective feedback from their employers, whereas women's self-esteem increased with positive comments and decreased sharply with negative comments. Johnson and Helgeson further suggest that our internal responses to feedback may impact our job performance, work ethic and overall employment satisfaction.

Misconceptions

For both men and women, overall well-being may be at risk when self-worth is contingent upon external factors, notes Jennifer Crocker, Ph.D. of University of Michigan. Seeking continual validation from others increases frustration, feelings of stress and vulnerability to depression. In contrast, those who feel secure in themselves for who they are---rather than what they do---are less likely to demonstrate such problems.

Considerations

Changing how we view self-esteem can ultimately improve social relatedness, notes Crocker. By focusing our goals on helping others instead of self-affirmation, Crocker suggests we may connect with others in a more meaningful way, and thus experience greater life satisfaction.

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Men's Health

In general, men have less awareness about their overall health, and there are poorer and fewer health education and health programs that focus on men than women. This is important because in the 1920s life expectancy for men and women was about the same, but over the years this has changed – men’s life expectancy is now more than 10% lower than that of women. Moreover, men have an earlier and higher death rate for each of the top ten leading causes of death including cancer, stroke, heart disease, and suicide.1,2,3

National Men’s Health Week

To promote awareness of issues surrounding men’s health, the National Men’s Health Week Act was passed by Congress and signed into law by President Clinton on May 31, 1994. This year National Men’s Health Week will be observed from June 14-20, with men’s health screenings being offered on Capitol Hill. To set an example for the rest of the country, more than 700 members, staffers, and employees are screened each year for prostate cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes, and cholesterol.4

The Men’s Health Act

To further strengthen the focus on men’s health issues, the Men’s Health Act was introduced in 2003 by Representative Randy Cunningham (R-CA) and Senator Michael Crapo (R-ID) to establish an Office of Men’s Health at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources. If passed, this Office will mirror the work of the Office of Women’s Health (established in 1991) by developing strategies, coordinating research activities, recommending public policies, as well as promoting awareness and early detection of diseases that adversely affect men.

Early Detection

Early detection is critical to good health outcomes, especially regarding cancer treatment. However, expenditures for outreach and screening at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in 2000 show that while $185,000,000 was spent on breast and cervical cancer programs, $11,000,000 was spent on prostate cancer programs. Moreover, expenditures for cancer research by the National Cancer Institute show that $424,900,000 was spent on breast cancer research compared to $190,000,000 spent on prostate cancer research.2 It is expected that 230,000 American men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer this year.5

VA Focuses on Men’s Health

Because the veteran population is mostly male, the Veterans Health Administration (VHA) is primarily focused on men’s health care issues. With an annual budget of more than $25 billion, VHA is the nation’s largest integrated health care system, employing more than 180,000 health care professionals and operating more than 1,300 sites of care, including hospitals, community and facility-based clinics, nursing homes, and various other facilities.

HSR&D Research

As part of VHA’s Office of Research & Development, HSR&D conducts research on many health issues related to men’s health, such as prostate cancer, smoking interventions, depression, and hypertension. In addition, the Quality Enhancement Research Initiative (QUERI) was created to target diseases and conditions that are highly prevalent and burdensome among the veteran population. The current veteran population is mostly male and these diseases and conditions are particularly burdensome for men, their families and the VA health care system as a whole. Below are some specific examples of HSR&D research projects and findings.

Lower Cost Interventions for Prostate Cancer Screening

Evidence is inconclusive about whether mass screening and early treatment for prostate cancer can reduce mortality, but due to cost concerns it is important to know whether more resource intensive interventions also have greater impact. Investigators in this HSR&D study assessed the relative effectiveness of a video versus a lower-cost mailed pamphlet intervention for increasing patients’ knowledge about prostate screening. They also examined the impact of the interventions on screening preferences, testing rates, and decision-making participation. Both the pamphlet and video described prostate cancer, the potential risks and benefits of PSA testing, and explained that the decision to undergo screening should be discussed with a physician. In addition, the video depicted patients discussing their differing opinions about the value of PSA testing. Results of the study showed that patients who received the pamphlet or video were more knowledgeable about prostate cancer and screening. Further, patients who received the pamphlet were more likely to discuss screening with their provider.

Lower Screening Rates for Colorectal Versus Prostate Cancer

While some believe PSA screening may reduce deaths due to prostate cancer, others believe that widespread screening will lead to more prostate cancer diagnoses and potentially harmful therapy, without any improvement in outcomes. On the other hand, colorectal cancer screening for people 50 and older is widely advocated, and has proven to substantially reduce mortality among those who receive periodic screening. Researchers compared the prevalence of PSA and colorectal cancer screening among men in the United States. Using data from a large telephone survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (n = 49,315), they found that 75% of men aged 50 and older had undergone PSA testing at least once, compared to 63% of men aged 50 and older who had undergone colorectal cancer screening. Further, men were more likely to be up-to-date on prostate screening than colorectal cancer screening. This suggests that despite widespread efforts to improve adherence to colorectal cancer screening guidelines, it is still considerably less common than prostate cancer screening. Investigators recommend that physicians inform patients about the known mortality benefit of colorectal cancer screening, as well as the uncertainty about screening for prostate cancer. 7

VA Physicians Refer Depressed Patients More Often then Private Sector Counterparts

Depression is the second leading cause of disability worldwide, yet this condition is markedly under-treated in the private sector despite clinical guidelines that encourage aggressive treatment with antidepressant medications and/or mental health referral. Theorizing that greater availability of mental health services in VA would result in better adherence to depression management guidelines, this study compared management recommendations of VA versus non-VA physicians who viewed videotapes portraying a standardized case of major depressive disorder (MDD) in an elderly patient. All physicians viewed a videotape vignette (professionally produced with actors) of an elderly patient presenting to a physician for a hypertension follow-up. During the visit, the patient describes specific symptoms that meet MDD criteria. After viewing the tape, physicians answered questions about diagnosis, treatment, and follow-up recommendations. Randomly selected participating physicians included 115 practicing in an outpatient VA setting and 128 practicing in non-VA medical settings in the Northeastern U.S. Results showed that VA physicians were twice as likely to recommend treatment for depression and half as likely to recommend monitoring within 2 weeks than non-VA physicians.8

Lower Mortality in Black vs. White Veteran Patients with Congestive Heart Failure

Blacks have a higher prevalence of congestive heart failure (CHF) than whites, in addition to higher rates of hospitalization and readmissions that may be linked to disparities in access to care. Investigators in this CHF QUERI study sought to determine any racial differences in short-term and intermediate-term mortality in VHA patients (99% male) hospitalized for CHF, and to examine racial differences in the patterns of health care utilization following the initial hospitalization. Investigators conducted a retrospective cohort study of 4,901 black and 17,093 white patients hospitalized with heart failure at 153 acute care VA hospitals nationwide between October 1997 and September 1999. Results of this study showed that overall black patients had lower short-term (within 30 days of admission) and intermediate-term (measured at 1 and 2 years following discharge) mortality rates than white patients.9

Lack of Lipid Testing Associated with Increased Morbidity and Mortality

A large number of patients with coronary heart disease (CHD) do not have a current measurement of their low-density lipoprotein (LDL) levels. IHD-QUERI investigators sought to identify patients at risk for not undergoing lipid measurement and determine whether they had higher risk-adjusted morbidity and mortality compared to patients with a lipid measurement. Using an existing database, investigators extracted data on all active primary care and cardiology patients with CHD from 8 VA hospitals (n = 12,135). They assessed information on patient demographics, outpatient and inpatient diagnoses, pharmacy data, and laboratory data. Findings showed that 40.7% of the patients did not have an LDL measurement during the 15-month baseline period, and those without an LDL measurement had a 5% higher hospitalization rate and a 36% worse survival rate. Findings also show that CHD patients less likely to have a lipid measurement included: older patients, African-Americans, those with a history of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease or depress, and those living more than 25 miles from a medical center.


"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Five Mistakes Men Make With Weight

Lots of men are making at least one of these five big mistakes when trying to lose weight. Are you?

1. You Don't Know How To Cook. It never seemed important, so you didn't learn how to cook, though you have managed to figure out how to use the microwave oven. You end up eating too much salty, processed and tasteless frozen food. What do you see when you open the refrigerator? A shelf full of beer and power drinks? Do you have the local pizza shop magnet on the outside?

2. Size Does Matter. It is essential to control your portion size if you want to lose weight. Realize that the big bowl of pasta at your favorite Italian restaurant could feed an entire family. Or maybe you are not eating enough food because you believe that starving yourself will lead to quick weight loss. Portions that are too big or too little will not support your weight loss.

3. Bad Attitude. When you look at dieting as a sort of punishment for that hamburger and french fries that you ate you end up with a bad attitude. Why would you want to punish yourself? As a child you tried to avoid punishment whenever possible. Don't start now. Instead, of looking at your diet as depriving yourself, look at it as rewarding yourself with better health and energy. A better attitude will go a long to motivate you to stay on track.

4. Giving Up. Weight loss doesn't happen right away. It takes time and it's normal to have setbacks. If you have a night of pizza and beer, don't feel like you have completely fallen off the diet wagon. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and forgive yourself. Keep the big picture in mind and don't give up.

5. Unrealistic Expectations. You dream of a sculpted body with six-pack abs. You want to look like an action hero or Olympic athlete. While you may want a perfect body... and who doesn't... it's not likely to happen. Set realistic goals and remind yourself of them daily.

For a realistic goal, include more than just a number on a scale. Decide what you want to look like and more importantly figure out how you want your life to be different. Create an image in your mind of what it will look like. Will you be able to play ball with your kids? Walk up the stairs without straining? Have better posture and appear more confident?

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

How To Appreciate Your Cell Phone

Are you taking full advantage of all the features on your cell phone? Do you know that your phone probably has a vibrating ringer mode? Click here to find out what you've been missing.

Cell phone tips

It's practically impossible to walk on the streets these days without hearing the ring of a cell phone. How often does a phone ring in public, prompting everyone around you to reach for their pocket, answer the phone, only to find that it's not theirs? For such a small contraption, a cell phone can really seem like a complicated piece of technology.

Getting the most out of your cell phone is of key importance, especially with people replacing their home phone lines with cellular ones. There are ways to maximize your cellular phone's features and make the most of this practical invention.

Get informed

1) Read the manual
Manuals are usually associated with being as long as an Encyclopaedia, but cellular phone manuals are more readable than they seem. The phone's features are properly organized into categories, making the manual a breeze to read and understand.

You'll also be surprised to learn that your phone has many more features than you thought, and probably never would have imagined on a phone.

2) Check the net
Check out or your cell phone's manufacturer's website. Both Nokia and Ericsson have websites, providing users with updated information on their respective cell phone. This is an excellent and easy-to-use resource and a great way to supplement information on your cell phone.

3) 1-800 Number
Get the number of your cell phone service provider, which usually offers a toll-free number for those in need of tech support or who have customer service inquiries.

Phone features

Here are some things you may not have known about your cell phone:

1) Digital Black Book
You can store a given amount of names and phone numbers into your phone's memory, allowing you to record a phone book in your cell. You can use your Palm Pilot -- or for the rest of us who still use paper, your phone books --to record the rest of the phone numbers once you exceed the limit of numbers.

Some phones, such as the Ericsson T18z, have a voice-activated dial feature, which allows you to record your voice saying a person's name and then recording the person's number on the phone. It automatically dials the requested phone number with the activation of your voice; it's like a voice-activated speed-dial. Check to see if your phone comes with this feature.

2) Rise & Shine
If you happen to take a quick power nap at work and you need to wake up in 10 minutes, not to worry, you can use the alarm clock feature on your phone.

3) Moving Forward
If you're at work or a friend's house and don't want to be disturbed, you can program your cell to forward all calls to your home's voice mail, or whatever other number you choose. This one's also practical for when you've used up all your monthly free minutes and you don't want to receive any more calls on your cell; simply forward incoming calls to another number where you can be reached.

4) Reset
While on the topic of limited minutes, take advantage of the counter on your cell. Most phones have a timer that records the number of minutes used. It's a good idea to keep track of this counter and check it every now and then to make sure you have not exceeded your monthly amount of free minutes.

If you are on a minute/month plan, you can reset the counter at the start of every month to keep track of every month's amount of minutes used.

And the list of features continues...

Cellular phone features

5) Good Vibrations
You're at the latest Denzel Washington movie, but you're also expecting a call from your friend. To avoid the movie audience from heckling you and throwing popcorn in your direction during the remainder of the movie, you may want to set your phone to "vibrate".

While this is a practical feature that allows you to receive calls without disturbing anyone else, keeping your phone on vibrate sucks up the life of your phone's battery. So use this feature sparingly, or avoid it if you know that you need the phone to be charged all day.

6) Battery; Keeps On Going...
While in the day of analog cellular phones, it was recommended that we recharge our phone's battery only once it was completely dead. Luckily, today's digital phones allow you to recharge your battery without hindering the life span of the cell. Still, it's recommended that you only recharge the phone's battery once it reaches its half point.

It's also advisable that you only recharge the cell once it's completely dead when you first receive it. Wait for it to die until you recharge the battery the first 3 times.

7) Games & Things
If you have games such as "Snake" on your phone like the Nokia does, you're in luck. Waiting in line will no longer seem as boring.

8) Wheel Of Fortune
Excessive cell phone usage has been known to cause many accidents on the road, so use your cell phone sparingly while driving. Better yet, avoid using your cell altogether while behind the wheel, or use the cellular Hands-Free Kit, which allows motorists to talk on the cell and keep both hands on the wheel.

Nowadays, cellular phones make us wonder what we did before they were around. I guess we just stayed home expecting a call or relied on our answering machines a lot more. Or, we just got out of the car and rang our friend's doorbell to tell them we're at their house rather than calling them from a block away.

Read your cell phone manual and ask your cell phone provider about the features if you have more questions. Until next time, stay in touch!

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Alone Ranger

"Hi-yo Silver - away!" Hardly the last gasp of a celebrated celluloid cowboy. Yet, John Reid, the masked rider in TV's "The Lone Ranger," came within inches of losing not only his life, but his spirit as well.

It was Tonto, Reid's Good Samaritan, who nursed the Texas Ranger back to health following a desperado-led ambush that left all five of Reid's ranger buddies dead.

A selfless act of heroism by one man produced an unshakeable alliance. As Scripture tells us, "Two are better than one….If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man!" (Ecclesiastes 4: 9 - 10) The trusty Tonto pointed the way to a transformed Texas Ranger. Reid's nickname no longer fit. The "loner, do as you please, I like it that way" persona faded in the sunset. We can imagine Reid was all the better for it - emotionally, spiritually, and personally. Reid now had a definite purpose in life - avenging the deaths of his posse buddies and righting wrongs throughout the Old West. Could he have accomplished those feats without the support of another?

It's been my experience that men do need other men - and not merely to weather a crisis or satisfy some professional self-interest. Men need other men to serve as mentors and comrades in life. They crave the camaradery and vital connection, and yes, acceptance that males - and only males, are able to give. Yet our impersonal, profit-driven, dog-eat-dog world undervalues, even outright dismisses this innate human need deep within men's souls. As a result, many of America's Joes, Jims, and Jasons have become the archetypal "lone" rangers feeling alone, frustrated, frequently friendless, and figuring "That's just the way things are" - but, do they have to be?

The absence of male support has made it especially tough for single guys - struggling to maintain moral integrity, personal responsibility, and purity in their lives. The pitfalls of loneliness, feelings of inadequacy, not being special to someone else - all of these can, and often do, drain men of purpose in life. They can even cause inner conflicts over masculine identity, self-image, and self-worth. Many guys discover their interminable ache of unconnectedness with other men triggers bouts of sexual compulsion, narcissism, depression, and even unhealthy anger.

Yet, in all of this, our institutional structures, the places we would think would be most adept at pulling men together in ongoing fellowship - our churches - have either failed or not gone the necessary distance to bolster men's connectedness. There's been benign neglect within the Church to create genuine, relational revelry, or just plain fun, among our male memberships. Consequently, men are left to their own devices, to be their own cheerleaders in fighting the fires of isolation and alienation so common today.

Scripture tells us to assist our neighbor and to embolden him to "be of good courage," in every way possible. (Isaiah 41: 6) Yet, the culture teaches men in subliminal, sometimes overt ways, to white knuckle it, not to reach out and, if anything, to look out for number one - and never, never telegraph the need for male companionship and long-term friendship.

This independent streak men are told to adopt flies in the face of God's creative intent for our lives - to be social, to be compassionate, to "love one another" in tangible ways. St. Paul insisted that to fulfill the law of Christ, brothers had to "help carry one another's burdens." (Galatians 6:2) However, men are lulled into thinking that intimate relationships are simply a female frontier, that men just don't nurture intimacy amongst themselves - and if they do, it undermines their masculine identity, and even invites undesirable homoerotic feelings

Is there any wonder, then, that some therapists have claimed a major cause for men's empty, wounded feelings has been the absence of praise and physical affection from dads and /or the lack of affirmation from peers while growing up? These male personality deficits coupled with the realities of a disintegrating nuclear family (more kids living apart from their fathers) have only compounded the problem. What remains is more loneliness and sadness among youth. For single guys, the sting of perpetual boredom weekend after weekend while living life on the periphery of the family culture, causes further desolation and hopelessness.

Yet families - including the married men within them - stand to gain greatly by opening their homes and hearts to male single adults, a new extended family. The sporadic, but blessed moments when I have been invited into a family's inner circle, great joy and mutuality have resulted. Couples witness firsthand the benefits singles can offer them and their children - as surrogate cousins, uncles, even grandparents to kids in need of healthy male role models, as people offering varied interests and perspectives for teachable moments, and as people with more flexible schedules that can help out in a pinch.

In return, singles can achieve a greater sense of belonging; possibly, a family to spend holidays with, a restored zest for life, and reassurance that they do count and are appreciated. These kinds of arrangements have potential for enriching families and singles alike.

However, including singles in the ordinary events of families isn't the only way in which men can connect in wholesome ways. Simply encouraging men to get together, to be together - on a regular basis, with no strings attached - can strengthen the spirits and lives of married and single alike. These get-togethers needn't be formal, nor task-oriented as in a club or Bible-study (in fact, those types of groups rarely promote male relationships with any substance or longevity). The best get-togethers are simple ones, such as eating a meal, celebrating a birthday, playing cards, or organizing spontaneous sporting activities among men. The goal is to have fun. To play. To enjoy the sheer pleasure of wholesome male bonding. No heavy issues to discuss. No agendas. Just plain old-fashioned fraternity. Men in the company of other men. I've tasted some of this delightful camaradery in the past, and there is nothing more affirming, emotionally stabilizing, and freeing then men being real to other men and interacting in healthy, supportive ways.

Again, our churches could be the catalysts for transforming many lives for the better through these healthy partnerships. It's not an easy task, but a crucial one for men who feel alienated, and who seek relief from their "developmental deficits," mistrust, and disappointments with some males. Many guys will have to learn and relearn the skills necessary to maintain reliable, steadfast, and mutually interdependent relationships with other men. They may even have to reorient their thinking - be less defensive and more open-minded, and more self-giving - for the phantoms of unfounded fears, easy excuses, natural tendencies to resist change and, last but not least, the "coach potato" syndrome ("I'd rather veg out in front of the television") all pose formidable challenges to the quest for legitimate male bonding.

As a friend of mine so aptly put it in one of my exasperated moments, "Guys play it pretty close to the vest. We're not gushingly emotional; we move slowly…You make friends by becoming a man who isn't concerned about what he needs, but what he can do for others." Coincidentally, the original TV lone ranger, Clayton Moore, had as his #1 tenet in his Lone Ranger Creed, the familiar maxim "that to have a friend, a man must be one." Are we willing to move out of our comfort zones to help single men reach their full potentials and to strengthen their male identities and relationships?

The ultimate exemplar of male friendship is history's greatest figure - Jesus Christ. He lived the solitary life - celibate, but sociable; sensitive and undeniably loyal to those around Him. Wherever He went, the Savior of mankind radiated love - unconditional love - like no other human being. Many of Jesus' own disciples were single men who learned the importance of brotherhood and the vital need for interdependence and staying connected - and for more than just a season. These men were friends of Jesus. Jesus was their friend. He's our friend always. Christ proved this by submitting to the cruelest of deaths - agony on the Cross. The Epistle to the Hebrews stresses the importance of being there for our brothers: "Encourage one another daily while it is still today, so that no one grows hardened by the deceit of sin." (Hebrews 3: 13)

The story of David and Jonathan in the Book of Samuel is another striking example of genuine fidelity and brotherly love. In his treatise on Spiritual Friendship, medieval monk Aelred of Rievaulx describes the outcome when David comes under attack from Jonathan's father, Saul, who was king of Israel. Jonathan didn't shrink from his moral obligations. Aelred writes, "Putting himself at the service of his friend, he (Jonathan) offered help and advice in his time of need….In his great love, this young man kept faith with his friend. He was steadfast in the face of threats, unmoved by insults; forgetting renown, he thought only of service. He spurned a kingdom for the sake of friendship."

Lone rangers have learned to be realists. We don't expect "perfect" friendship in life. We do expect men to look beyond themselves, to consider the needs of another - to widen the company of men for the benefit of all.


"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Shoes

Over time, well-made shoes prove their worth. Fine leathers and hand-finished details mean a quality pair wears better and lasts longer. You can't fool women, either: Sixty-four percent say wearing cheap, unstylish shoes is one of the biggest style mistakes men make. We're learning: Men list footwear and suits as items most worth paying extra for.

Simplify Shoe Storage
New shoes? Nice. Don't ditch the box. "Store your shoes heel-to-toe, sole-to-sole in their box, with cedar shoe trees inside them to help keep their shape and prevent mildew," says Martin Dingman of Martin Dingman Leathergoods for Life. Tear an end panel off the box and put the lid back on to hold the sides together. Stack your boxes for an instant shoe shelf. Hey, your closet has a floor!

Sole Man
The Fratelli Rossetti factory, near Milan, melds craftsmanship with state-of-the-art machinery. "Finding the right balance of tradition and technology is one of the most important elements to crafting a quality shoe," says Diego Rossetti, the company's managing director. His father, Renzo, founded the brand in 1953.

When buying shoes, Rossetti says, examine two things: the feel of the leather, and how the sole is attached. At Rossetti, shoe patterns are made by hand and soles are hand-stitched to uppers-- a step long since replaced elsewhere with heavy-duty glue.

That last detail might require some investigation; the finest shoemakers may hide their handiwork with a final layer of leather for a luxe, streamlined appearance.

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Interesting Scents

If stress from work lingers, try Diesel Only the Brav Iron Man Limited Edition. Office concerns keeping you up at night? Try this during the day. The formula has notes of lavender, traditionally used to relieve insomnia. 2.5 oz, $70, diesel-fragrances.com

If you work in retail, try Calvin Klein Eternity Aqua. You have to act cheerful even when you're not. The hints of cedar wood in this scent can produce calming effects, a Japanese study found. 1 oz, $30, calvinklein fragrances.com

If you work with numbers, try Bond #9 Andy Warhol Montauk. In a data-driven job, there's no room for mistakes. Muguet (lily of the valley) improves attention to detail, says Dr. Hirsch. This formulation contains it--but beefs up the fragrance with red oak. 1.7 oz, $145, bondno9.com

If you work long hours, try Nautica Pure. No time for a beach vacation? Nautica's sea spray fragrance with driftwood notes (ahoy!) can help you relive one. Aromas can conjure the emotions you felt the last time you smelled them, says Rachel Hertz, Ph.D., author of The Scent of Desire. 1.7 oz, $50, Macys.

If you work a night shift, try Burberry Sport for Men. Your paycheck doesn't care about your circadian rhythms, so seek a natural stimulant to stay alert. The grapefruit in this fragrance may help. Citrus odors boost beta waves in your brain, making you more alert, says Dr. Hirsch. 1 oz, $45, nordstrom.com

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"

Bad Breakfast Ideas for Men

Breakfast they say is the most important meal of the day, and as men, we certainly can not afford to miss the mark on this one! Here are some of the worst dishes that a guy can eat in the A.M.

12. Terrible Pankcakes
IHOP’s Harvest Grain ‘n Nut Pancakes might sound like a reasonably healthy breakfast, but beware: This one dish packs nearly 1,100 calories—about half the number an average person needs in a day. But guess what? This isn’t even the most outrageous item you’ll find on our new list of 12 Terrible Breakfasts. Read the story, and don’t fall prey to these waist-expanding menu items.

11. Terrible Breakfast Bagel
Dunkin' Donuts Sesame Bagel with reduced fat strawberry cream cheese
510 calories
16 g fat (6.5 g saturated)
860 mg sodium

Remember, bagels are shaped like zeros for a reason. You'd be better off with two glazed doughnuts. Or, simply move outside the menu's concentration of doughnuts and pastries and Dunkin' Donuts proves itself to be one of the better on-the-go breakfast joints in the country. Pair a couple of the Wake-Up Wraps with a zero-calorie cup of coffee to switch your metabolism from sleep mode to high gear.

Eat This Instead!
Egg & Cheese Wake-Up Wraps (2)
360 calories
20 g fat (8 g saturated)
1,020 mg sodium

10. Terrible Breakfast Panini
Panera Bread Grilled Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Sandwich
510 calories
24 g fat (10 g saturated, 0.5 g trans)
1,060 mg sodium

There are two differences between these two sandwiches. First, the Grilled Bacon, Egg & Cheese is built on ciabatta, which provides 50 more calories and half as much fiber. And second, it replaces the ham with bacon, which means an extra 100 calories of mostly fat.

Eat This Instead!
Breakfast Power Sandwich
360 calories
14 g fat (6 g saturated)
860 mg sodium

9. Terrible "Healthy" Breakfast
Jamba Juice Ideal Meal Chunky Strawberry (16 oz)
590 calories
18 g fat (3 g saturated)
55 g sugars

Similar approaches to breakfast with very different results. Replacing an oatmeal base with sugars and granola is never a good swap.

Eat This Instead!
Fresh Banana Oatmeal (oatmeal, bananas, brown sugar crumble)
370 calories
5 g fat (1 g saturated)
41 g sugars

8. Terrible Breakfast Croissant
Jack in the Box Sausage Croissant
580 calories
39 g fat (13 g saturated, 4 g trans)
770 mg sodium

Two simple but immutable rules are at play here: 1. Bacon always beats sausage, and 2. buns always beat croissants. The Breakfast Jacks are a bright spot on the menu, made even brighter by the fact that they're available all day. Take advantage.

Eat This Instead!
Bacon Breakfast Jack
300 calories
14 g fat (5 g saturated)
730 mg sodium

7. Terrible Breakfast Burrito
McDonald's McSkillet Burrito with Sausage
610 calories
36 g fat (14 g saturated)
1,390 mg sodium

For all intents and purposes, this breakfast burrito isn't actually a terrible morning choice--as long as you take it with water, and very strictly watch what you eat for the rest of the day. But why choose the 610-calorie version when you can eat an equally tasty breakfast burrito for half the calories, and 20 fewer grams of fat? This leaves you room for other nutritious foods--fruits, vegetables, whole grains--to eat without worrying throughout the day.

Eat This Instead!
Sausage Burrito
300 calories
16 g fat (7 g saturated)
830 mg sodium

6. Terrible Breakfast Combo Plate
Bob Evans Pot Roast Hash
749 calories
49 g fat (16 g saturated)
1,307 mg sodium

There's a lot of good in this dish--eggs and roast are both packed with protein, which, as we've hammered home in this slideshow, is a nutrient you should consume every breakfast. But here's what else the Pot Roast Hash comes with: Home Fries. As in fried potatoes. As in fried lumps of carbohydrates. A better option: Stick with the good, cut out the bad.

Eat This Instead!
Border Scramble Omelette with Egg Lites
416 calories
24 g fat (12 g saturated)
1,162 mg sodium

5. Terrible Biscuit
Hardee's Monster Biscuit
770 calories
55 g fat (18 g saturated)
2,310 mg sodium

The pieces of this biscuit individually aren't what make it so dangerous. It's the fact that they're all added together in one big jumbo slop heap that causes trouble. Here we're looking at bacon, sausage patty, several slices of ham, "folded egg," and two slices of American cheese. A more reasonable biscuit is what you'll find below: Simply bacon, egg, and cheese. No need to get fancy with extra toppings.

Eat This Instead!
Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit
530 calories
36 g fat (11 g saturated)
1,390 mg sodium

4. Terrible Omelet
IHOP Spinach and Mushroom Omelette (no pancakes on the side)
910 calories
71 g fat (26 g saturated, 1 g trans)
1,580 mg sodium

You can make this same omelet at home for roughly 300 calories. What sets IHOP's apart? The absurd amount of cheap fats being tossed around the kitchen. This thing has more saturated fat than a half stick of butter, and if you opt for the pancakes on the side, you can tack another 450 calories onto your nutritional debt.

Eat This Instead!
Two x Two x Two (with bacon)
560 calories
31 g fat (11 g saturated)
1,280 mg sodium

3. Terrible French Toast
IHOP Stuffed French Toast with Strawberry Topping
1,030 calories
39 g fat (17 g saturated, 1 g trans)
755 mg sodium
61 g sugars

IHOP's menu is full of gut-busting sweets--Stuffed French Toast, Belgian Waffles, Strawberry banana Danish Fruit Crepes... you name it. The problem with each and every one of these super-sweetened, carbo-loaded meals isn't just that they're all packing at least half a day's worth of calories; it's that they're setting you up for a massive sugar crash about halfway between breakfast and lunch. If you're set on the sweet stuff, stick with the Simple & Fit menu at IHOP. The Seasonal Fresh Fruit Crepes are great because they offer a thin layer of pancake, and a lot of fresh fruit. (So at least you're getting something out of it, nutritionally).

Eat This Instead!
SIMPLE & FIT Seasonal Fresh Fruit Crepes
590 calories
24 g fat (4.5 g saturated)
430 mg sodium
43 g sugars

2. Terrible Pancakes
IHOP Harvest Grain 'N Nut Pancakes (4) with Cinnamon Apple Compote and Whipped Topping
1,060 calories
51.5 g fat (13 g saturated)
1,945 mg sodium
50 g sugars

Whatever you do at IHOP, don't add a fruity compote to your waffle or pancake platter. That'll guarantee that you double your plate's sugar count and add at least 150 calories to the final tally (which, if you order more than 3 pancakes, is already going to be mighty high). The reason that fruity compote is so bad for you is because it's not fresh fruit we're dealing with--it's more like a sugary goo that has fruit chunks drowning in it.

Eat This Instead!
Original Buttermilk Pancakes, Short Stack (3)
490 calories
18 g fat (8 g saturated, 1 g trans)
1,610 mg sodium
13 g sugars

1. Terrible Slamwich
Denny's Grand Slamwich
1,320 calories
90 g fat (42 g saturated, 1 g trans)
3,070 mg sodium

Bacon, sausage, ham, eggs, cheese, and mayo conspire to create the worst breakfast sandwich in America. Start your day with this and you'll need to wait 48 hours before consuming another gram of saturated fat. And that's before you get to the hash browns that come on the side.

Eat This Instead!
2 Fried Eggs with Honey Ham and Hash Browns
560 calories
41 g fat (11.5 g saturated)
1,150 mg sodium

"I pray that this article enables you to M.A.N. Up!"