Confronting Your Abuser

Confronting the perpetrator is a difficult and complex issue. A client must give a great deal of thought to the question of why they would want to do it-and whether confrontation is in their best interest. There is no general rule about confrontation. It is a highly individual and personal decision. For some people it is a logical step in their recovery; for others it could be a dangerous and self-destructive act. The real meaning of confrontation is to stand up to the abuse. It represents a recognition that:

• What happened to the client was abusive.

• Sexual child abuse is wrong.

• The client did not deserve to be abused.

• The client is not responsible for the abuse.

• People must be accountable for their actions.

Confrontation, then, proceeds from a position of growing strength which states that every human being deserves respect. Each person has the right to control his or her body. Confrontation is not the goal of recovery. It is a tool for recovery.

"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Be on the lookout for my new highly anticipated book; “Don’t Let the 4 Wheels F.O.O.L. You”!!! If you have ever felt as though society has counted you out! You won’t want to miss this inspirational road map to success!

Therapeutic Issues and Concerns for Men

Some of the reasons men come up with to avoid seeking therapy:

• "I should be able to do it myself."
• "If I go for psychological help, I'm admitting failure."

• "It's not that bad." "Its not serious enough to require treatment."

• "It's too expensive. I can't afford it."

• "I don't want people to know I'm in therapy. Everyone will think I'm wacko."

• "I don't want some shrink telling me what to do." "I'm afraid it will completely change my personality."

The fact that there are many different helpful therapeutic styles does not mean that all therapies are helpful. Not everything that is called therapy is therapeutic-some so called therapeutic practices are, at best, counterproductive for the incest survivor. At worst, they can be abusive.

1. Beware of re-creating the abuse. As an incest survivor, they must never be re victimized. It does not matter whether the victimization is actual or symbolic, it is harmful. Any role-playing, psychodrama, guided fantasy, or other techniques that simulates the original abusive situation with the client in the role of victim will be frightening and destructive to recovery.
2. Beware of inappropriate touching. Part of the recovery process demands that the client is in complete charge of their body. They have the absolute right to decide who can touch them, and set limits on when and how they are touched. This extends to hugs, pats on the shoulder, and even handshakes.
3. Beware of being authoritative. A great deal of harm was done to the client when someone in their life insisted that they knew what was best for them. Recovery means being in ultimate charge of their lives.
4. Beware of being unresponsive. There are some therapists who provide virtually no feedback to their clients. The client is left to imagine what the therapist is thinking, projecting his own ideas onto the counselor. The client has lived much of their life in a kind of isolation having to fall back on their own resources which often leaves them with many unanswered questions.
5. Beware of being critical and judgment. The client is an expert at self-criticism and negative self-judgments it will only be counterproductive or abusive if you in turn do the same.

"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Be on the lookout for my new highly anticipated book; “Don’t Let the 4 Wheels F.O.O.L. You”!!! If you have ever felt as though society has counted you out! You won’t want to miss this inspirational road map to success!

Recovery Myths

Four Myths that interfere with Recovery:

1. Vulnerability = Weakness
2. Rigidity = Strength
3. Comfort = Safety
4. Under Control = In Charge

"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Be on the lookout for my new highly anticipated book; “Don’t Let the 4 Wheels F.O.O.L. You”!!! If you have ever felt as though society has counted you out! You won’t want to miss this inspirational road map to success!

Are You Wearing a Mask?

Sometimes, men who have been victims of sexual abuse place an outer mask on to hide who they really are and how they really feel.  Here are some common disguises:

• Blistering: Filing room with words leaving no room for anyone to pierce fragile defenses.

• Invisible: Silent and self-effacing

• Intimidating: Intelligent, glib, sharp-witted and psychologically savvy that no one challenges his verbal barrages.

• Angry: Radiating rage, criticism, and intolerance

• Outrageous: Shocking in word, appearance, and behavior

• Placating/pleasing: Being so nice and caring that attention is directed towards others.

• Comedy: Relying on superficiality and banter to distract attention away from pain.

• Teddy Bear: The warm, comforting and non threatening creature that is safe..

• Academic: Retreating into his head to keep from contacting with painful emotions.

"I pray this article empowers you to M.A.N. up!"

Be on the lookout for my new highly anticipated book; “Don’t Let the 4 Wheels F.O.O.L. You”!!! If you have ever felt as though society has counted you out! You won’t want to miss this inspirational road map to success!